Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Disappointment

What do you do when someone you love and care about has disappointed you?  I feel lost and alone and helpless.  There is nothing I can do.  I have tried to reach out, but I have been rejected each time.  I'm not angry, just disappointed.  There is a difference.  This is someone I care about deeply and respect and I guess that is the reason for the huge disappointment.  If I didn't care there would be no disappointment or no difference.  I can't control another person's behavior, only mine.  But, I can't believe I have reached out and have been ignored.  For two people who were suppose to be friends, this is a fine conundrum to be in.

I guess if there can be no communication, there can be no real friendship.  Perhaps that is what I am mourning now.  The death of a friendship - one that meant a lot to me - but, apparently not to him.  I guess I shall go through the grieving process and eventually come to terms with it somehow.  But a death of something is a loss that never really goes away.  A vestige of it always remains.  It is not something I will ever "get over."  Perhaps the root of the disappointment is that we never really were friends at all.  Although he told me we were, perhaps he didn't know what friendship really was.  I took him at his word.   Perhaps I should have read between the words and the lines.  May be he only has interests and not truly friends.  Perhaps there was more mis-communication than communication during our "friendship," and now I'm left disappointed, bewildered, and confused.  Perhaps . . .